hard day

the last couple of day have been (emotionally) really tough on me. My Dads girlfriend (probably together about 3 years) passed away at 4:30 this morning. I have an extremely hard time dealing with sickness and death. I was scared to death to go visit the hospital (not to mention having 4 kids to be watched while I was gone.) So Saturday morning I had an overwhelming feeling that I had to go see her. I knew things were not going well but I didn't realize how bad it was until I saw her laying in her hospital bed. My heart just broke.
She had been diagnosed with cancer only about 2 months ago,lung cancer that had spread to her spine and her brain. So she had the masses in her head taken out, and was doing very well. So well no one could believe what she had just been through. She was sitting up on the computer talking on the phone. She was then moved to a rehab. facility , and this is where things went wrong. Don't know all the details but thats not important, I just gotta get my feelings out. She got infections that her body was not fighting off and her body was basically failing.
She was taken back to UCLA ICU, and hooked up to crazy tubes feeding tubes, tubes in her skull for the swelling. While all this is going on, my Dad who had finally found the love of his life was suffering also. Not only emotionally but physically he was not monitoring his diabetes, taking the meds. he needs to stay healthy, not eating. you get the point. So he ended up in the ER too. He is ok just needs rest and to take his meds, and probably needed to be rehydrated.
She was taken out of ICU which is a good thing, that was the day I visited. anyway that only lasted a day, and she was back in ICU. When I saw her she could not talk or move, she did open her eyes, I'm pretty sure she knew I was there. I hope so at least.
Sunday morning she was doing a lot better she sat up and spoke, but after that it all went down hill.
She was such a wonderful caring giving person, she literally saved my Dads life, Whole other story. I cannot even begin to imagine how he must feel right now, the shock, heartache. It is just so sad and her two daughters, it just kills me. If I am this upset it is beyond me to imagine their pain.
On saturday at the hospital it was amazing. I saw a side of my father I never knew existed. (he's kinda the womanizer type, relationship phobe, playa. had to get a little humor in there.) He was just rubbing her head and her face telling her she was the most beautiful thing in the world, and how much he loved her, kissing her. JUst writing this I'm sobbing. To see such a soft tender side to him was amazing, and now she is gone. I know it will get easier but I don't know how people deal with stuff like this. Charlotte will never be forgotten and I will never forget our phone conversations that went on for hours, she was truly an amazing women... love you Charlotte.